Friday, March 14, 2014

Friday Letters - Jordan Edition -

Happy Friday Friends! I hope you are having a lovely day. In case you are interested, here are my Friday letters.

Dear Self, stay calm. Center yourself and remember that you can only control you. You might be able to help guide someone but you can only walk your journey. Remember that.

Dear Scott, I love you. I know you do your very best to take care of me. I know it. I know that you were wild and crazy and calmed down and changed your life for me... for us. I love you very much and no matter how many days I want to ring your neck, you are still someone I adore. Thank you for all you have gave me and this relationship.

Dear Jordan, I am going to try not to make this a book but here I go. I know you are angry. I get it. I bet you don't even know 1/2 the truth of things. Do you really think I didn't know it was you. You are not hurting me the way you want with what you are doing and saying. Instead you are only hurting yourself. Why am I to blame for all your problems? We could start from right here but until you work out your feelings, you are going to be a very unhappy boy. I am sorry Jordan for the pain I have caused you. Just because Brittany and Jackson came, doesn't mean I loved them more. You had serious issues and I was a young mother who didn't know what she was doing. Your grandparents took full advantage of that and pushed us all away from each other. You have an entire family waiting with their arms open wanting a relationship with you. I don't know if that will ever happen but I want you to know that I do love you. You can send me all the hateful notes that you want...if it helps to make you feel better, keep sending them. I am not going to fight back and forth with you because I don't want to hurt you. I want you to feel better. I wonder if you give your dad half the shit that you give me? Your dad and I loved each other for years. We still care about each other and no matter how either of us has screwed up, we still want whats best for you. I understand you want a car and want me to pay for it. I got that message. Sorry baby.. if you want that money or help, you have to be a lot nicer. I would love to get you a car but not when you are acting like a spoiled immature teenager. The last thing I want to do is get you something that you can hurt yourself or others with. Just think about it. Do you know how your name was picked or what your first word was? For that matter what your first picture was? What our first picture was? Bet your grandparents can't answer those questions. I love you. So does mom and Laci and we hope one day you will stop being so angry at the world and come join our family again. AND.. I know you miss my grandfather as much as I do so stop insulting his memory. Here's an idea... why don't you get in the car with your dad and come for a visit. That way we could answer any question you might have together. And you would actually get the truth from YOUR PARENTS not lies from other people.

Dear Trina, God we need to catch up. Plan on hearing from me Saturday for our normal looong talk. I miss you.

Dear Shanna, Thank you thank you thank you for listening to me. I would be lost without you. Sometimes hearing the truth in the clearest form is best and you totally do that for me. I hope I am as good as a friend to you that you are to me.

Dear Missing Plane, Are you in the ocean? Did someone hijack you? I am so waiting for that answer. Are you all on an island? I am waiting on the answers along with many other people....stop hiding.

Dear Jackson, You had no reason to lie. Your friend would have not got into trouble for goofing off and giving you a bruise. However, you are in trouble for telling 5 separate lies to 5 separate people. And nobody was in trouble silly boy. See why telling the truth is so important? Maybe by this weekend if you have your 250 sentences written, you can have some of your electronics back. I love you. ALWAYS TELL ME THE TRUTH.

Dear Mom, thanks for talking to me about everything. I know your right and so does everyone else I have talked to about it. Thanks for being a mom I can talk to about anything. I love you.

Dear Kitty Cats, get ready....its about time for a grooming day for all of your scruffy butts!

Dear Brittany Belle, GOSH I MISS YOU! I am very proud of how good you are doing. Keep it up and keep focused on college. And brush your teeth TWICE A DAY! I love you sweetheart.

Dear Spring, stop faking us out. This past/current winter has been hard on so many people. I see people who are normally happy and uplifting frustrated and tired of all the cold weather. We have taken a lot and have handled it well but its time to lighten things up a little bit and let us have some warm days. I think we could all use a little more sunshine.

Dear Dad, So you can see what a mess he is....do you still think you guys all made the right decision. I love and miss you so much but damn.....its hard to imagine what any of you were thinking in that time. Pushing his mother and father away didn't help him. Thanks a lot for letting Bille Watteau work her evil spells on him too. It wasn't enough that she took me from my mom and dad...( I know I got you which was so much better than my piece of shit dad but she took me and she took Jeremy away from his mom. He died before making peace with it and she did it with Jordan too. I hate to say it but I am glad she can't tear apart anymore families.  Please send some angles Jordan's way because I am afraid he is a very broken spirit.

Dear Sleep, Where have you gone? I have been feeling awful lately and I know just a good nights rest would take care of it all. Come back and give me just one good night.

Dear House, somehow... someway.. you have stayed in pretty good shape this week. Thanks to sticking to a schedule, I am keeping up. However, the first day I take off....your going to be a disaster zone again! But it totally feels good having you cleaned up.

Dear Blog and YT Friends, First I want to say thank you. Thank you for being so inspiring. You guys have lifted me when I needed support and have always been so kind to me. I just want you to all know that it really means the world to me that you take time out of your busy lives to spend it with us sometimes. Thank you. If you have the time, would you mind taking this quick survey that will help me get to know you and your likes a little more. It won't take longer than 5 minutes and I would totally appreciate hearing what you guys think. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend full of sunshine and smiles... Happy Friday!

Dear God, I have only asked for a few things throughout the years... I want my kids to be ok. I want them kept safe from harm but I have a son is not happy or ok. I wish I could see his lifes journey as you already can. Will he be ok? I guess time will tell but I could really use your help. I believe in YOUR PLANS, I  just wish you could share them with me. Thank you for another week.






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1 comment:

  1. Kisha, I am sorry you are going through this but I too know all to well the pain and agony this is causing you and has caused you. Keep your head held high and hold your head up. Time will heal all wounds and you are right only you are in charge of YOUR journey and no one elses. Sending hugs. Can't wait till tomorrow when we can catch up. Hugs and love xoxo

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