Friday Letters

Friday, September 30, 2016

Dear God, Thank you for another week on this planet. Thank you for helping me do better. Thank you for protecting my kids. I sure hope you hear my prayers. Dear Fall, You showed up on the official day and haven't left. I am seeing leaves fall, feeling the cold temperatures. and I actually love it! Dear Romeo, I am sorry you are still stuck with him. I hope to rescue you back soon. I miss you. Dear Jackson, I can't believe how fast you are growing up. Please do good in need an education! I love you. Dear Work Friends, you all make me smile and laugh so much! I love you guys! Dear Indiana, I am actually alarmed by the amount of Trump signs I keep seeing. Very disappointing. Glad we are not a battleground State.  Dear Shanna, sorry we haven't talked as much. I miss you. Just been busy! Dear Brittany, you are the cutest ever. I love you. Hope you have fun tonight! Dear Camper, I appreciate you. I truly do. You sit in the most beautiful place with a beautiful view. The only thing I truly miss is a big bath tub. Makes me want to go to a hotel just to take a long bath! Dear Jordan, I love you.  Dear Mom, glad I got to see you. I wish it was under different circumstances but it was nice having you here. Dear Purse, I really need to clean you out and get you organized. A messy purse is a messy head. Dear Satellite Internet, You suck....but I guess it's better than nothing. Dear Russell, I love your hair, body, smile and personality. It's so nice having you back in my life. Dear Little Turtle, I really wanted to keep you. I hope you have a long happy life. It's a big world. Dear Laura, I hope to see you tomorrow! Glad you are sounding a little more happy! You are a wonderful person and I am so happy you are in my life. Dear Emily, I am in shock you are married again but I am happy for you! Dear PO Box, thank you for truly making my life easier. I like not having my mail come to the house. I'll come check you soon. Dear Grandma, It was so hard saying goodbye to you. I will forever love and miss you. Come see me in my dreams. Dear Mornings, you are not so easy for me. But having a comfy soft bed with no one snoring has changed everything. I have been waking up happy, rested and ready for a new day! Dear Cooper, I truly miss you. I didn't know our lives would turn out the way they did. I really hope you are ok and happy. Dear Fitbit, I love you. I think you are one of the greatest inventions ever! Dear Donald Trump, I wish you would just go away. Actually I wish I could put a parachute on you and my ex husband and push you both out of a plane far far away from here. Dear Daily Mail, you are still one of my biggest online addictions. Why I think you are the news, I don't know. I spend way to much time with you! Dear Body, I think you are enjoying the mini workouts you are getting now. However, I do feel older and you just don't feel like you use to. You hurt more. Guess that's just life.   Dear Laci, it was nice seeing you. Glad you are doing good. Dear Youtube, I wish I had more time to dedicate to you. It's not easy being in such a small place, with no actually doors except on the bathroom plus less time. But I promise I am trying to get back at it....on my own schedule... in my own time. Dear Harvest Home Coming, I am so excited about you! I can't wait to go walk around, go through the booths and eat yummy foods. Dear Art, thank you for everything you have done and continue to do for our kids. You are a good dad. Sorry I haven't always seen that but I know you love them. I'm proud of you. Dear Winter & Snow, I am seriously scared of you. Dear Dad, I miss you. I bet in less than 40 years we will see eachother again. I felt safe with you. I think about you everyday. I wish you were here right now....this second. Maybe you are. I really don't know but would love for you to come see me again in my dreams. Watch out for grandma Mary please. Dear Bakery, thank you for all your sound advice and mean comments. When you guys get it wrong you really get it wrong don't you? None of you make my decisions and never will. Dear Self, repeat to yourself over and over that everything is going to be ok. There is nothing to be scared of. Then remember that God is leading the way. Have confidence in yourself and your situation. Dear Gabby, I am glad you seem like your old self now. I think you like being the only kitty cat around! All the attention goes to you! I love you sweet kitty. Dear Kimmy, thank you for everything. I love you and I am so thankful for you. Family means everything. I am so happy to have you and your brother and sister in my life. Dear Blog/Youtube Friends, Thank you guys for being so kind and supportive. I am so amazed by all the kindness from you guys. Thanks for stopping by tonight. Have a wonderful weekend. I'll see ya soon! xx

DITL Vlog: Trying to get back into the swing of things!

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Hello friends! I hope you are having a great evening. I had big plans to put up a week in review but here we's getting on into the late evening and I am just plain tired. I wasn't even sure I would be here at all talking to you guys tonight. Let me just say, I went in today....thinking I had to work and it was my day off but they needed me anyway so I stayed. It rained most of the day and spending it in bed would have been so much nicer. Guess that's what I get for not reading the schedule right. #kishaisadumbass. :)

Anyway, this past week I have been keeping to schedule with work and home. Doing pretty good at moving through the days without many problems or concerns. I feel like I am finally settling into life a little more and adjusting to everything that has happened. There is so much I really want to talk to you about. Many of you have had questions about this new transition. It hasn't been as easy as some of you might think but it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be either. I guess deep inside I knew that life would get better when the big problem was removed. And he has been removed as well as the stress, worry, mistrust and violence. My own children and family seem to think a weight has been lifted from me. I would think they would know. I am a little numb to all of it. I am not even sure why but I truly am. I guess the universe has a funny way of giving you what you need....not necessarily what you want. 

I am trying to get back on some kind of schedule. I need to record a lot of videos on my days off and just upload over the week. Eventually I will get it all figured out! I wanted to share a new vlog. I guess it's not really a week in review  or day in the life vlog because it was over the course of a couple weeks. I just thought I would share the footage I had and move on from there. Hope you enjoy! 

I am going to relax the night away. Hopefully snuggle up in bed and fall asleep to the sound of the rain and wind. It's actually getting cooler here especially in the mornings. I'm not sure how I am going to cope with winter but I guess I will just have to suck it up and make the most of it! I hope your week is going well. Thanks so much for stopping by! I'll be back soon. xx

Friday Letters ♥

Friday, September 23, 2016

Hello friends! I hope you are having a great friday. Since I am doing my best to get back with it...I thought another edition of Friday letters would be fun. Hope you enjoy! 

Dear God, I have had a lot of questions for you since my divorce and the death of my grandmother. I'm not mad but I wish you wouldn't have taken her from me. I understand the man. I asked for help getting away from him but I wish I still had my grandmother here. I hope she is singing with the angles now. Please hear my prayers and help put forgiveness in my heart for those who have and continue to do harm to me. 

Dear Brittany, Jackson, & Jordan, You are the best things that have ever came from me. Each of you are better than me and I am so privileged to that you call me mom. I am so proud of you. 

Dear Gabby, I am sorry you seem to miss your friends/family. I miss them too. I promise to change it as soon as we get moved. 

Dear Mom, I am so proud of you for getting through everything with grandma. I can't imagine that day coming for Laci and I. I would be soooooo lost without you. I love you mom. 

Dear Brangelina, Talk about shocking. Oddly enough I don't feel so bad about my divorce now. If you two big money Hollywood actors with a tribe of kids cant make it work.....who were we? All hope is lost.

Dear Laura, I hope you know that you are someone I truly adore. Remember everything I said when I was sitting in your kitchen last night. I really do think it could be the answer to a lot of our problems. I love you and we can figure out things together. You are not alone.....and never will be. 

Dear Camper, I am very thankful for a place to call my own for the time being. You have kept me warm and helped keep me safe while I have tried to deal with a broken heart, a new job, a new way of life and I appreciate it. But I am ready to move. Hopefully we will only be together a little bit longer. But I will miss the bed!!! The bed is the most comfortable bed I have ever slept in. Strange but true! And guess what? No work today means....time to clean you up. 

Dear Shanna, Thank you best friend for putting up with me. I love you. 

Dear Cherokee Park, I love you. I love you. I love you. I forgot how much I truly adore the space you take up and share with the with the community. I keep walking, searching and discovering new places that capture my mind, heart and soul. Who knew a park could do so much. 

Dear BGT8IRD, I am doing my best to not hate you. But really it's too late. YOU are one of the worst people on the planet and now I understand why that ex of mine is so screwed up. I wish nothing but the worst for you however, I am trying to get past those feelings so I will just pray for you. 

Dear Hair, I am doing my best to grow you out but you are getting on my nerves so badly! You also need dyed. Yep...thanks grey hairs! 

Dear Dad, I guess from the other side you can see everything that has happened. I wish you were here. I wish I could talk to you and actually hear your words back. I hope you are proud of me for not letting a man destroy me. It took a lot of previous lessons...and talks from you. I am stronger than I know and I still have those words from you flowing through my head. I love you and I will forever. 

Dear Blog, I have missed you so much. It feels amazing to be back where I belong. 

Dear Laci, I was very happy that you came up here this week. It was nice seeing you and I know mom appreciated it. I know you were not around many people up here but they are your family and they love you. I'll call soon. 

Dear Russell, Thank you for being here in such a crazy time. You know I love you. 

Dear Waffle House, I will see you soon but I think our time is about over. I am so grateful for the time and support you have given me. But better things are ahead.....and I need more money. I think I will miss my friends more than anything else. This is probably our last week together. :(  I am scared of a new job.....but I have to face those fears and get some real money made. 

Dear Mini Cooper, I guess we are not meant to be together forever. Another change in the air. It will feel good to move and not worry anymore. 

Dear Romeo, I miss you kitty cat. I truly do. I am sorry you were not the one who came with me. I thought I would take the one who needed me the most. Not the one I needed the most. My heart breaks everytime I wake up and don't see your cute face! 

Dear Body, I guess a divorce is doing you well. I have lost almost 12 pounds. With the new job in the future, I bet I loose much more. But could you please sleep better and stop with the hip and ankle hurting so much. 

Dear Kimmy, I am so thankful for all the love and support you have shown. I love you like a sister. And I will forever be grateful for everything you have done for me. 

Dear Bakery, Relying on Trina to tell you the truth is about as stupid as it gets. That's why I feel compelled to come on and tell you the truth. Get it right otherwise you will just look like dumbasses. 

Dear Buddy ( But NOT Joseph ), I should have said this years ago....but I am done. Like seriously done. Your mother loved you so much. You should have been there and you seriously cost yourself some family with your antics the last few days. It wasn't about you. It was about honoring your mother for 2 days. Do you think it was easy for any of us? Do you think we really wanted to be there? It hurt terribly but it was about honoring her life. People have made excuses for you for your entire life. There is nothing you can say that can fix this. You should be ashamed of yourself. Goodbye and Good Riddance. 

Dear Catherine, I'm sorry. I couldn't love him enough clearly. Our family became disposable to him. I thought I was a good wife. Guess not. It's just a title either of us held well. Sorry for what I said about Trina but sometimes she is just too much for any one person. I miss you and I will always love you.

Dear Phone, I broke you. Dropped you in water. Lost you.....and you are still hanging on. Please hang on a little longer and I will let you retire soon! 

Dear EXHusband, You are one of the biggest disappointments in my life. But you didn't destroy me. 

Dear Entire Martin Family, You guys really are some of the most loyal loving family a girl could ask for. Coming together for grandma, I saw love and kindness. I saw sadness. I am sorry for what my father's side of the family said and done to you guys. You are the loyal ones and I love you so much. I really do. You have lifted me up and cared for me in one of the hardest times of my life. You are my family. 

Dear Blog/Youtube Friends, Thank you guys for sticking around and for being so understanding. Things have really changed. I still have a lot that I need to get done/updated but I feel good about being here again talking with all of you. I love you guys.  See ya soon. xx

Wednesday Hodgepodge

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

It's been a loooong while since I participated in the Wednesday Hodgepodge. Since I am finally getting back with blogging/making videos, I thought today we would answer some fun questions with the rest of the ladies. :) Hope you enjoy!

1. Thursday (September 22) is the first official day of autumn in this part of the will you welcome the season? I know some of you have been celebrating way too early, but it's official now so permission granted. House Beautiful recently listed ten ways to make your home smell like fall (you can read the list here) What's a scent you love this time of year and how will you add it to your home? 

I love fall. I always have. However, I am still not use to the colder temperatures. We are welcoming the season with heat in the mornings, hot coffee, cozy sweaters and long beautiful hikes in the vivid forest. I love all kinds of different fall scents however cinnamon is normally a bit too strong for me. A couple of years ago I found this candle in Warm Cashmere Sweater and fell in love.

It's the perfect fall scent without being too overpowerful. And who doesn't love candles! I plan on buying a few more and letting the scent linger through the house. 

2. Apple pie or pumpkin pie? Apple cake or pumpkin bread? Warm apple cider or a pumpkin spice latte?

All apple. I am not a huge pumpkin fan but my boyfriend is. So this year I suspect that we will be having both!

3. Do you suffer from what is sometimes referred to as an afternoon slump? What helps ward it off before it hits and/or tell us what helps you shake it off once it's here?

Absolutely. When I can I try to take a quick cat nap but most of the time coffee is helpful. And even during those sleepy moments, I just get moving....putting one foot in front of the other until I get my blood circulating and energy levels up.

4. Ladies-how have your friendships with women inspired you or made you a better person? For the men here today- how have your friendships with men inspired you or made you a better person?

I don't trust a lot of women. However, the strong women in my life have really helped level me out and have taught me that I can trust and depend on them. We have amazing women in our family and each one of them have taught me so many life lessons. They have taught me to not take life so serious. That change does happen and instead of fighting it....embrace it and learn from it. I am always amazed at their suggestions, love and support.

5. Are you a people pleaser? If you said yes, do you think that's a good or bad thing? If you said no, do you wish you were more of a people pleaser? 

I use to be but not so much anymore. Really the only true person you can make happy is yourself.

6. The seasons are a-changin'...share a favorite song relating in some way to change (not necessarily seasonal change, it could be change of any kind).

7. What do you wish would never change?

Its a little late for that question because so much has changed regardless of what I wanted. But life is all about changes. I am still figuring that out but even the hard changes happen for a reason. At this point my life is different...better and for me the one that I hope and pray never changes is the love from my kids. All else can change how it needs to change.

8.  Insert your own random thought here. 

Hello hodgepodgers. It's been a while since I have participated in this linkup. I have really missed you guys. And I have been through a lot of changes including a divorce and moving. Those are some pretty big changes. I tried to fight it at first but life has a way of giving you what you need rather you want it or not. And at this point, I am much happier. I am more independent and I am not as scared any longer. I am starting to blog and make videos again and find my own way in this big world. And I am not alone like I was scared I would be. I have amazing friends and family that have helped me every step of the way.

Today is going to be one of the hardest days ever. In a matter of hours we are laying my grandmother to rest. Another change for our family. A heartbreaking change to say the least. September has been hard but I am trusting God to get our family through it. I am trusting God to take care of a lady who meant so much to me and our family. She will be missed so much.

Thank you guys for stopping by. I really am trying to get back to normal on here. This is my home away from home and I have really missed being here....talking to you guys...sharing my thoughts. It's nice to be back. Have a wonderful Wednesday. ♥

Growth & Change

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Hi everyone. It's been a long while since we were together. It's been almost a month and a half since I have been here on this blog. So much has happened. So much has changed. First off there are a few updates on my youtube channel plus a little food haul that you can check out if you haven't already. Subscribe while you are there as well! ;)

I don't really even know where to start. At this point I am fully divorced. It certainly happened fast. It wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. I think anger carried me through that process. I still think that he single handedly destroyed our family without a second thought. I found out that I am stronger than I thought I was. I am doing just fine. And I am actually happier without all the drama and problems that came with being married to him. I really don't want him, my divorce, our past and or present issues to be in the forefront of everything. Its been over a month since I have opened this laptop. I have thought a hundred times how I wanted to handle my the social media. Well, I love this blog. I always have. Unlike my ex husband is has never left or hurt me. It's been a place of peace and pleasure both. I am not giving it up. I thought I would remove everything with him in but thinking about it now, its more of a public service to any woman that happens to google him. Maybe it will help/save someone else from the pain I have went through.

Through the pain, there has been a few shining lights helping lead the way for me. My best friend Shanna, my first love, Russell, my kids, my cousins, Laura, my mom have all been there for me. They have helped me figure out so many things. Life hasn't been all gloomy and sad because of them. They all have been amazing. But as I have been trying to figure out this new transition, my grandmother's health went down super fast and we lost her just a couple days ago. I honestly thought she might get better. Tomorrow is the viewing and while it will probably be one of the hardest days of my life I plan on standing strong and honoring her life. Our family will miss her so much. She was one of my best friends. We use to talk 4 or 5 times a day until she got sick. Then it all changed. But she is one of the reasons I came home as well. I just thought we would all have more time with her. Its truly heart breaking.

So a divorce and a death for me this month. While laying in bed crying seems like a reasonable thing to do, life isn't allowing that. I have so much going on. There is so much I want to share with you. Thank you to everyone that has stuck by me and not given up. Things are going in a new direction and I am excited about the future. I truly am. I haven't acted the best. I am upset by the constant bullshit of my sister in law. Not even Scott. But I think it reflects on who she is. I need to work on myself. Ask forgiveness for the mean thoughts and words I have spoken against that family and pray for them. I am done giving them any kind of power over me. Life is so much better; that my focus needs to be only moving forward. I have taken lots of deep breaths, trying to center myself and see things in a different way. I am angry at the entire planned out act of betrayal from Scott and her included. And that anger has gotten me pretty far in this divorce process. But now it's time to climb the mountain instead of carry the mountain. I need to let it all go and focus on all the good still in my life. All the blessings that have been sent my way. All the love given to me from family and friends.

As for youtube, I am keeping all the videos up and I hope to get back on schedule sometime in the very near future. I don't know exactly what direction it will go in but I think it will just be a hodgepodge of videos from vlogs, hauls, reviews, planner videos... just random stuff that I do.

I have a bunch of things coming up....

:: Get through Grandma's Service these next few days.
:: Find an apartment. I am currently living out in the country in a large RV. Grateful but ready to find a little apartment or house.
:: Apply for other jobs in area. Want to find a better job with better insurance.
:: Bath Gabby
:: Start working on reviews. Need to take lots of photos and just do it.
:: Clean up files on this laptop.
:: Take kids on a picnic sometime over the weekend.
:: Call about SUV I'm interested in. Who knows...I might just be able to make it happen. But I also have to take a drivers test to get my license back.
:: Make a video really soon and get it uploaded. I think it will just be another update kind of video. However, I also want to film a planner update soon too.
:: Buy some kind of plant for the RV. It needs some plants around here.
:: Continue evening walks with Russell. They are great for clearing the mind and relaxing.
:: Order new fitbit charger. I have no idea where mine went...and I am going crazy without it. All those steps NOT COUNTED. Grrrrrrrrrrr!
:: Buy new phone. I dropped and shattered my phone. Its working but barely. This time I will get the case that will help protect it. Lesson learned.
:: Drink more water. Something I suck at.
:: Finally upload photos from all phones to laptop. Start working on a vlog.
:: Get to PO Box and check mail.
:: Do a load of laundry...towels.
:: Flat iron hair tonight so it's easier in the morning.

I know this post has been long. There are a ton of questions I know you guys want answered. I will start working on a blog post answering the more basic ones and then maybe do a video later. Thankyou guys for coming back...being patient with me. Your support has meant so much. There have been so many emails, comments, messages that I will never be able to respond to. I have really tried but at this point we are starting fresh. I don't want to feel overwhelmed. So even with all the hard things going on this September, we are moving forward. There is no other way. I am growing everyday from all these experiences. Even the hardest of times are teaching me the strongest lessons. Life is beautiful. I need to start honoring it more. And getting rid of the negative is a good start. I love new beginnings....fresh weeks. So here I go and I hope you come with me.I love you guys. Thanks for stopping by. I promise to see you soon. xx