Hello friends. It's been such a long time since I have been on here...chatting with you all. I thought tonight would be perfect for giving you a family update. I was going to post it through a Tuesday Truths blog post but I decided to just sit down and start typing with no real direction. So much has happened since the last time I have been on here. I don't even know where to start.
Scott is gone. I don't have the words to express everything I feel regarding that situation but he did make an impact on many lives including my own. If you haven't checked out the video about it, you can click right here to check it out. I will be picking up his ashes very soon and I have no idea what I am going to do with them. Laura and I might do something special with them or I might just hold on to them for a while until we decide. Life is so different now. I was just starting to really get on my feet when he passed away. Ryan and I had suffered another loss at that point when I miscarried our baby. Another heartbreaking moment for me. I don't think anyone will ever realize how painful that was for me. I still think of that baby everyday. Let me just say, January was one of the hardest months of my life. However, I was not ready to give up. I am still not ready to give up. I am pushing forward and moving into a direction of a new life with new goals and hopes for the future. I am ready to move forward with more faith and less fear.
I am in a committed relationship with Ryan. I hope to go into our history a little more sometime soon. I truly believe everything happens for a reason and I believe he is here to help me heal, to grow, to make me smile and laugh. To bring some joy to our home. I really didn't think I would be in a full blown relationship so soon but he has helped mend my broken heart. But even more than him it's the kids that have really kept me going. They need me more than ever now. And I need them. All the kids in my life bring such special meaning. I am a better person because of them. And I am so proud that we have all made it through some really tough times and we are still standing together. I don't think God has invented the person to stand in between us. We are a family. We will always be a family. They are the reason I strive to be a better person. They are the only ones who truly hold me accountable and for that alone I am grateful.
For months I have been without a computer and internet. Part of me really enjoyed it. At that time, haters were going strong making it easy to stay away. However, its been you guys via facebook and instagram that has powered me on and gave me the courage to get back on here and share my life. I have done it for so long. So many different stages of my life have been not only written about but documented through video and I have loved it so much. I have made some life long friends and have had more support than I ever could have asked for. So here I am. New laptop...internet is finally hooked up and I am ready. I am ready to share with you again. You guys have been such a huge part of my life and I would be lying if I said I didn't miss. Because I have. I have forced myself to stay away from the gossip sites. It has taken YEARS to get to the point where I just don't care what they say. They really have no impact on my life at this point. And that goes for some other people as well. There have been so many changes in regards to my family this year. Scott's family is no longer my family. While that is sad and heartbreaking at times, it's made me realize how important my own family is. I have amazing women that surround me. I might have lost a few but I gained many more through the trials and tribulations of my more recent life. They have kept me going on days when it's been unbearable. They have been there to share not only in the troubles but also in the good times. Even though so much has happened, I am truly blessed.
I am going to pull out the camera and start vlogging and making videos again. I don't know how well it will go at first. I have been trying to decide what I am willing to share. I just don't want to share every single detail of my life anymore. But don't let that scare you off. I have less time now than I did before because I am working but I plan on throwing myself right back into youtube and this blog. Speaking of the blog....I have a new design that I plan on working on in the very near future. I think a face lift would be nice. I am just trying to make a fresh start. However, all my old videos and blog post will remain up. They are a part of my life and I think it will be nice to have them to look back on from time to time.
So we will move on into the future together. This blog use to be my home away from home. A place where you could get lost for hours. I want to get back to that. And I hope you guys want it to. Have a beautiful and blessed Wednesday. I'll be vlogging through my day! Thank you guys for being so kind and supportive all these years. I love you guys. ♥♥♥