Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Tuesday Truths

:: I am actually doing so many of the things I was scared of. Life didn't give me the choice to forever hide. Ive had to just feel it and move through it. I am not in a relationship where I am fighting all the time anymore. I am not home wishing I could find a way to interact with more people. I am not scared of finding a job that I actually enjoy. I have walked through so many fears since July of last year and I feel so much stronger now. Sometimes facing your biggest fears sets you free. 

:: It still hurts when I hear someone is pregnant or a cute baby comes into the restaurant. I know many of you have experienced a miscarriage and I know I'm not alone in the pain that comes from having one. It's on my mind more than anyone knows.

:: Ryan got this huge tv. I am not so fond of it. I don't watch as much tv anymore and when I do I just don't need such a big tv. It's big and super loud. However, he works hard and he is truly enjoying it. I guess it's just a man thing! :)

:: The laundry guy messed up the laundry really badly this week. It takes a lot of work for laundry right now. I either have to haul it up and down the stairs to the laundry area here at the apartments. Or we drop it off. And on busy weeks, Ryan doesn't mind helping to pay to have it done. It's nice when everything comes back clean, hung up or folded and smelling good. However this week, it was a little more complicated. Gotta find a new place to take them until I get the little apartment washer. More about that later.

:: My ankle has really been hurting. It drives me crazy. It makes my days at work even harder when its cramping and aching. I seriously need to get to the Dr and get all the scar tissue removed. Its messing with my life too much. I feel like it's time I really focus on my own body, mind and soul A LOT more. I am doing everything I can to keep my head above water with the kids, bills, appointments, family gatherings and I have to take better care of myself. I just have to put myself back on the to do list.

:: I am not liking the idea of giving the teenagers keys to the apartment. I just worry a lot about it so I think I am going to get some cameras installed. I just see so much potential for bad things to happen. I like the idea of being home when they are! I guess I just have to try to trust that they will do the right thing.

:: I need to go shopping and buy some new clothes. Maybe I will do some thrifting to save some money. However, Khols does have some amazing sales!

:: So my mom and Don are basically selling everything from their big fancy house, cars, furniture....all of it. Buying a big duly truck and rv and travling the US for a long while. I think my mom will really enjoy it. And she is coming here for a few weeks too. Jackson is planning on going to the grand canon with them. I think it's a great idea for them. :) Sounds like an adventure!

:: Feeling like it's time to give up soft drinks again. I just don't know why the yellow food dye and high fructose syrup make me so happy but it does. But I know I need more water and less Mt. Dew.

:: I miss Cooper. I hate that there are people out there who just don't know how to do the right thing even if it smacked them upside the head. I have lost 2 golden retrievers to 2 marriages. Never again.

:: I have been asked a few times why I picked up Scott's ashes so let me set the record straight. Like it or not, we were still married when he passed away. I wasn't allowed in the hospital, I stayed away from the small service his sister had. I felt like he belonged with me and his daughter. I don't think his sister had any business to ashes of her brother. She was not his wife or child. I picked them up because we spent a lot of time together. I loved him. Yes, we were separated but that does not change the fact that he was someone who I loved and who loved me for many years. He simply didn't belong with Trina.

:: A new mascara of mine is missing. I know that's crazy but it's seriously gone. I guess it just fluttered itself to some other lashes to coat. Grrrrrrrrrr.

:: The smile lines around the corners of Ryan's eyes I love. He's always been a funny guy who cuts up a lot and messes around. To be he looks better with them than when he was young.

:: This week Donald Trump is moving forward with plans to kill National Endowment for the Arts, PBS and NPR. Also Feds will step up marijuana law enforcement soon as well. This man is such a mess. His approval rating right now is a low 44%. I think people are finally starting to realize the mistake they made. I am so embarrassed, disappointed and shocked by who is in the White House. I don't even watch CNN as much because I can listen to Trump bullshit all the time. No Thanks.

:: I spent some time with just Brittany and Jackson this past Sunday. I wish they got a long better. I hope that their attitudes towards one another will change and become better as they get older. It breaks my heart to see them not get along.

:: Last night I came home and passed out. I mean I just walked straight in the door and went right for the bed. Early mornings ware me out. Thankfully Ryan cooked dinner and I was lucky enough to wake up to the house smelling amazing and dinner on the table. Thank you sweetheart.

:: Laura and I have been struggling to find her suitable childcare. It's so hard. Jerred is away working and she has the kids all the time. They all have different schedules. Finding someone to work the hours she needs has been challenging. We just want to find someone safe and good with the kids who is dependable. Such a hard task.

:: I really want to go to church. Ryan said he would like to go too.  However, my best serving days and hardest are Saturday and Sunday's. I'm not sure how I will deal with that but maybe it will just be Joel Osteen on Sunday afternoons for us. Or maybe Wednesday evenings or something.

:: Yesterday I was lucky enough to find the missing movie. Yea!!!!!!! We had looked everywhere and it ended up being on the top of the refrigerator. And then I forgot to take it back after work yesterday. It is heading out the door with me today so I can stop paying late fees.

:: I really need to sit down and make some phone calls. I have 6 voicemails that need to be called back. Still trying to find more hours in the day and better balance. Maybe later today I can get to a few of them.

:: Its super early. I have to walk out the door in few minutes for work. I hope you guys have a great day. I can't wait to get in front of the camera and make a new video. I promise things will pick up on youtube and here on the blog. Thanks for all the support and love. xx


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2 comments:

  1. So sorry you feel that way about President Trump. NEA, PBS, and NPR can be funded privately by those that support it. Feel free to cut them a check if you are that passionate about it. Additionally, I would much rather have my tax dollars fund the VA, the military, and people in dire need.

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  2. President trump is a racist ass and he's not even my president I'm Australian. He dissolved Americas fair trade deal with Australia as soon as he got in power saying dumb things like "this is something I've wanted to do for A LONG time. He's so gross. He appears to be abusive and controlling to his wife. What a nightmare. Poor America. Hilary would have been the better choice. I also honestly found it strange u collected Scotts ashes and while u may think he didn't belong with Trina it was his sister who loved him and was there for him at the time of his death when you were off doing your thing and u were also very hateful to him before his death and had applied for a divorce and been living seperate for months so I think people get confused. Either way it's good to see the new direction of independence and abundance your life is heading in. Good luck to you.

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