Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Helloooooooo! Catching up + Video(s)

Hello friends! I know it's been a while. So much has been going on and I just haven't had the time or even the internet to give you guys updates. So here I am tonight...at work. It's slow and I have the laptop open waiting on customers to come have dinner. :)

I am finally moved out of the house. It's been a long time coming. Scott kept trying to tell me that I was going to be evicted...those papers never arrived. But I still couldn't manage the bills there and I just didn't want to be in that house anymore anyway. I am moved out to the country where nature has been helping heal me. And when I say that... I don't mean I am really broken because I am not. But divorce is never easy. I am thankful he is gone. I am thankful for a fresh start. I am thankful for old and new friends. I am thankful for family. But it's still been hard at times. Giving up the animals, not being with the kids, the lies he tells is hard. But I am also thankful that I haven't been alone in this new single life journey. I have had someone very special to me around. It's a rebound relationship? I think not. I have loved him since we were just kids riding bikes. I think we have more in common that not. He feels like home to me in every way. Some of you have expressed that you didn't like it but I am 40 years old and no one decides who is in my bed. It feels right. It just does and I am not hiding it or making excuses for it. 

We have done so much together already. He loves the woods as much as I do so we are hiking a lot....cloud watching...laughing. We have known each other for so long but it's like getting reacquainted with a old friend. I laugh more because of him. I smile more because of him....and I try to listen to what he says a little more than what I normally would do. It's a little bit different but I trust him and I trust what he says to me. He's the opposite of Scott...he's quiet and soft spoken. He's not about arguing or confrontation. He's gentle. And he does a lot of stuff that I am not use to...like shopping with me. Do you have any idea how often I begged Scott to go shopping? It's just different. A better kind of different. :) He also helps with making dinner and I absolutely find him so sexy in the kitchen. But still things are going slow and we are just starting to really spend a lot of time together. 

The kids are doing great. It's been hard not being with them day after day but they both understand that right now I have a lot on my plate. They do too with school back in. Brittany has cheer and Jackson has soccer. It's just a super busy time of year. I am slowly starting to get a new rhythm to my life. Soon I will be back at it with the videos and blog post. However, having a camera in my face and everyone else's is not exactly what I want to be doing. I love sharing with you guys but until I am truly on my feet, with my schedule really figured out.....I have to slow down. I have to focus on so much right now. I ended up leaving a lot of stuff at the house. Old planners. Photos. I didn't have a ton of help to move it. I didn't want to pay for storage and I just thought it was better to let Scott have all that stuff. I can start over. All I need is a bed and tv to start out with...and work on everything else as I go. It's just wasn't worth it to me. I didn't want to see the stuff we used when we were together. I am not in a good place with Scott. I think he is the lowest of the low. And even though I am happy he is gone....that does not excuse any of his behavior. But it wouldn't be Scott if there wasn't some kind of drama. It's to be expected. 

I have been pretty behind with this blog. Since the last time we have spoke, I put up a couple new videos...here they are in case you missed them. ↓

With both of those videos and this blog post, you should be pretty well caught up. I am still trying to get adjusted to this new way of life....that's for sure! But I wake up happy in the mornings. I wake up with a sense of purpose. I know I have a long way to go...but I am moving forward. I am moving forward with amazing kids, a sexy old friend who I have found so much comfort in and a new life. I am going to continue to trust that God has a plan for me. Trust that I can actually do this. Trust in a person who I have always loved and missed. Trust that my kids will be ok. Because I am so blessed with family and friends who really love me. That's what matters. With both their and YOUR love and support, I have been lifted up. You guys mean the world to me and I love you all. Truly. I wish I could get back to all your comments and emails but that's just not possible at this moment. I do read each one and I can't express how much they mean to me. Soon I will be recording a new question and answer video because there are so many questions. Feel free to leave your questions on any video or this blog post....and I will have an instagram photo in a few days that you can also leave your questions on!

Have a beautiful and blessed night. I'll talk to you soon!  xx

Monday, July 25, 2016

Tuesday Talks & Truths

Hello friends. I hope you are getting along well with your day.....here's another edition of Tuesday Truths. Hope you enjoy. 

I seriously hurt my ankle. I am walking on it so I doubt its broke but standing up for hours on end yesterday was not easy. But I did it and I am still alive. If it gets much worse I might go to the ER or something but so far, I am doing ok...not great but ok. 

My soon to be ex is back at throwing me in jail for God knows what. He's the reason I have hated my life for years. I wish he would just permanently go away. Thank you God for not giving us any children together. I have no idea what is wrong with him. No morals. No soul. Just plain evil. And now I understand why all his ex's hate him. It's easy to do.

I have been getting in a ton of steps according to my fitbit. I really hope with this divorce, not eating as much, working...and hopefully working out soon will help the pounds fall off. I can't do anything right now with my messed up ankle but I am going to sink in sometime just for me and my health. 

The kids start school in just a couple days. It's insane how early they go back here. Brittany and Jackson are both at Arts right now. Heartbreaking but true. Another reason I am so disgusted by the  man who just left my life. But we will be fine. He's not that powerful but it's hurts that she is not here. However, the kids are amazing and doing great. 

Many of you have asked how Cooper is doing. Honestly, I have no idea. It's painful to think about so once I am in the right position, I will a new puppy. I am Cooper is fine. And if he's not....it's not my issue any longer. Thank you for all your doggy l♥ve. 

The weather here has been so hot. I mean seriously hot here. I have been doing a lot of hiking and enjoying nature but it about killed me. I was a sweaty mess and had to take a cool shower as soon as I got back to the house. I think it is suppose to cool down soon so all I need is for my ankle to get better and I will be back at it! 

I am trying to take the high road here lately. I want this marriage over and behind me. I think games are being played because my ex is hurt which is confusing to me. He wanted this. This was his choice and now that he rolled the dice the game isn't ending as he expected. That's ok. He will find his own way and I am going to go my way. And honest to God I have fought with this man for way to many years. I just want it over. He can be cruel. Just like Michelle Obama said last night... he goes low, I am going to go high. He's a terrible role model to his kids, to his family. I hope he gets help before it's too late. Isn't it true that crazy people don't know they are crazy? I think that might be what we are dealing with. I just need to go on and keep being happy. It's odd but it's so true. 

I am slowly getting back to the recording videos. It's not easy to get on camera when I am dealing with so much but all your comments on this video have been so eye opening. YOU saw a change that not even I knew. Many of you have said that I seem so much happier. Thank you. I am! I'll record a video soon with a new update. 

My soon to be ex sister in law is acting a fool on her facebook and blog. I am sure her 5 followers will really care. God...some people just don't know when to shut the hell up. I think the entire family needs duct tape around their mouths. 

I took the most amazing long back last night. It was so relaxing. I have been doing so good waking up early. I sleep better now and I really truly appreciate that. I have been springing out of the bed happy each morning and ready to face the day. No one can really hurt me. The worst has already been done and everything else can be fixed. 

I want to take a vacation. Maybe some camping trips on the weekends but I think I am going to save for Hawaii. I want a post divorce trip to a beautiful exotic place. It's a new goal. Maybe in 6 months or so. Never know. :) I also think Jekyll
Island in Georgia would be a nice little trip as well.

I have really been enjoying a lot of my older friends since getting home. This is exactly where I need to be and I am so grateful for it. When going through something like this, you find out who really is loving, loyal and caring...and who's not. 

I plan on checking the PO Box today sometime. Thank you in advance for anything you sent. So many of you asked for it and from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Your cards and letters have been so amazing. I am responding right back so feel free to use it anytime. 

Also I have a ton of messages and comments that I still need to respond to. I have less time now and there are just so many. Sooooooo......I am just doing the best I can with it. I read everything. Thank you for taking the time to comment on any of my social network platforms. I love you guys. You have given me great advice and I will forever treasure it. 

I have been talking to my first son's father. So many of you had questions about him. We met when we were still riding bikes and separated when I was 23. I wanted to get married and he was no near that point at that time. We are basically best friends. I kinda want more but right now we are just going to take things slow so I can finish up this last married life chapter. I respect him. I love him. And he makes me laugh. I am glad so many of you liked him and said he was a better fit for me. I think so too. I should thank my ex for running out. Probably the best thing he has ever done for me. And right now the universe has brought back an old love in my life. I am excited about the future. :)

My best friend has been put through hell with my ex calling and texting her all the time. She is such a good person. I would be lost without her. She is always looking out for me. 

The Democratic National Convention was inspiring last night. Ha! No more fucking republicans in my bed. No way. I would rather slit my own throat first. Another bonus to getting divorced! 

I think I am letting Romeo go. Yea. It's probably the best thing. I am not 1000% sure yet but it's in my mind right now. Where I am going, it's probably not best for him. I might be wrong. I just have to put some thought and prayer into it. I love that cat like no other but I don't really see a way around it. I plan on keeping Gabby no matter what. I am tearing up right now. I just don't know. 

My mom is doing great. She is making a ton of money training dogs of all things. She's great at it and it got me thinking. I might just have to follow her lead up here. We'll see. I am so proud of her. Someone just flew her to Florida for a weeks worth of training of their puppy and are paying her over 1k. OVER. Good job mom! 

I have a lot to do in the coming days. I will do my best to check in. Be sure to find me on instagram and follow along for more photos and updates! xx

Sunday, July 24, 2016

DITL VLOG:Getting Back on my Feet + More

Hello friends! I hope you are getting along great with your night/morning. I am back today sharing a couple new video with you. This first one is the most recent day in the life vlog that just went live yesterday evening on youtube. I have really missed you guys and I thought one of the best things I could do for myself is get back to normal in every way as quickly as possible. 

It's been easier than expected getting through this. I thought it would be hard but each day life gets easier and better. I don't care if I lost every single possession.....I am still happier without my soon to be ex. Incase you don't know why he is going to soon be my ex, I also posted this video sharing my thoughts on everything regarding the divorce. 

Thank you guys for being so loving and supportive. I don't know what I do without you. I will be continuing to make videos and hopefully get back to a routine soon. Thanks so much for stopping by. I hope you have a beautiful and blessed week. xx
Friday, July 15, 2016

Life Update....Getting Divorced.

Hello friends. I know many of you have been wanting an update so here I am. Scott and I have been together for a long time. We made tons of great memories. We had tons of laughs.  We tried to make each other happy. But somehow along the way, we both started pulling away from each other instead of coming together and working on what was wrong. And believe me.....we both had our faults. Faults that ended up scaring the other person more than once. I think we both wanted a divorce but honestly, I was too scared to admit it. I was scared to loose my family....I wanted to fight to make things better. But God has other plans I suspect. 

And then one final fight ends it all. Things said can't be taken back. Action can't be taken back. And now we both are at a very difficult spot where I feel vulnerable, scared, angry. All normal feelings under such circumstances. And now honestly, I am left here alone to pick up the pieces of what is left. Not surprising but more than I can really handle alone. I feel set up and used....lied to and abandoned. But I already know that in time these feelings will pass. I know that in no time my broken heart and broken spirit will be healed. 

I am not sure what I am going to do with this blog. I might leave it the way it is and just go with things. I might delete photos and videos of Scott. I have no idea. I am in the middle of giving my animals away and trying to figure out what I truly want out of this house. Really I just want to grab a bag and walk out without ever looking back. But family and friends think that is crazy so maybe a few things from this house will end up in the next place I live. I really could care less at this point. But thankfully I have people around me who do care. Who are looking out for my best interest including my kids. Jackson and I were talking the other night and he made me promise to never get back with Scott for what he has done to us and our family. My daughter has been an angel through everything. I understand how the kids feel. I truly do. We are loosing everything and someone we loved used an argument as an excuse to leave. In reality I think he has had it planned out for a while which is fine. It just shocked me. 

There was a point when I was crying and begging...threatening...doing anything I could to get him to walk back through the door. I have poor communication skills to say the least. I have never been good at expressing how I feel. I am still kinda in shock but I am doing ok. I am still here. I am still trying to go on regardless a man walking out. I am trying to surround myself with people who truly love me and want the best for me. Clearly that person wasn't Scott. Clearly Scott was not the love of my life. And it's past time I get him out of my head. He has been a security blanket for me for years. Not a companion that I could trust. I was told I was verbally abusive to him. I probably was. He was no easy person to live with. He has demons of his own which made our life hard and complicated. I guess it was just too much. 

And now at this point, we are being kicked out of this house. Perfect huh? Is it scary, YES. Is it sad. YES. It is ever going to be the same again. NO.  I am beyond sad at this point. I never really wanted a divorce. I wanted to fight for my marriage and family but I can't do this alone. And if I am the only one really wanting things to get better, it still won't work. I don't think there is any hope at this point for Scott and myself. I think our only hope is to move on in our different directions and try to find the happiness we both are looking for....and never found in each other. I am not sure why it hurts so badly. I did love him. I still do but after everything he has done to me, our family, our animals.  None of them deserved this. There was no respect for the other lives in our family. And now I am left to figure it out all alone. Thanks Scott. We are his 4th disposable family. Scott tends to throw family's away when he gets tired of them. I just thought we would make it. I don't run when it gets hard. I don't call the police. I don't file papers in the court. I am just not that kind of person and I never thought I married that kind of person either. 

And if all of that is not enough....I have his family, writing cryptic blog posts shaming myself and Scott's older daughter. ( and by the way, that was his first disposable family. ) If I really told you half the stuff he has done, you guys would be shocked. Yet we are the ones to blame. I honestly can't figure out for the life of me why anyone would put their nose in someone else's divorce. And they are not even happy with their own miserable self and marriage. It's great. But people with big mouths and big attitudes don't know how to stay out of other people's business. It's people like her who have enabled Scott to do wrong for years and more importantly wrong right now. She doesn't know how to keep a marriage together anyway....so I am sure she is out singing his greatest praise being the little sister enabler. 

So with all of that said, I am going to try...I mean really try to move on with my life. Close this chapter with a man who clearly never loved me or this family. I hope to find love again one day. I hope to find happiness again one day and I hope to learn to be a better mom. The kids are the ones that are truly keeping me going. Without them I would be so lost. Actually, I am still lost. I am lonely. I am hurt. I can't believe someone who I loved and forgiven for so many years would stoop so low and leave me in the position I am in. I guess when people show you who they are....believe them. 
Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Revisiting our Favorite ☼ Summer ☼ Recipes! | Video & Recipe Links! |

Hello friends! I hope you are getting along well today. I can't believe how fast summer showed up for us. It seems like yesterday when I was complaining about the cold weather and now here we are in the middle of the summer! I thought today I would take you back through some of my older recipes that I have already shared on my youtube channel and this blog. There are new people subscribing everyday who don't know about these recipes...who don't want to hunt through playlists for something new to make their family. So with that in mind, here are some of my tried and true family summer recipes! ( Direct links to each is below! ) Hope you enjoy. 

These recipes are pretty easy and I love using the grill and keeping the heat out of the house. Here are all the recipes shown/mentioned in the video above! 

Thank you for stopping by today. I plan on doing more of these where we revisit some of my past videos. I think it will be nice for new subscribers and a good refresher for friends that are already subscribed! :) Let me know if you have any questions about any of the recipes. Have a beautiful and blessed Wednesday. xx

Late Night Tuesday Truths

Hello everyone. It's late here...actually it's technically Wednesday. But since it's not Wednesday on the west coast....we are going with it! :) Here's another edition of Tuesday Truths. Hope you enjoy! 

:: My cats are fighting right now. They are running through the house....hissing, meowing and screeching like it's the middle of the afternoon. I guess their power naps paid off! 

:: I have done my best to not complain since moving here but yesterday we got a $225 sewer bill. Our water bill is separate and was $100 for the same time period. What the hell is a sewer bill I ask you!? In SC we only had a water bill that covered it all and it never costs us anything like this. And then I try to call them only to realize these nice sewer people get off work at 430. Fancy that. I am forsure calling tomorrow and finding out what this is all about....plus I want to know why in the world it's that high. I understand the water bill but not that sewer bill. I just imagine in my head that we are flushing the toilets too much! hahahahaha! Idk but I am going to figure this sewer mess out. 

:: Scott is clearly having problems sleeping tonight. He choose the couch because he is tossing and turning so much. He's awake right now flopping around. I feel sorry for him. Sleep is hard for me but not usually due to pain. :(

:: I had a nice walk early in the day only to buy Long John Silvers. Makes sense right? I thought so. 

:: Zane doesn't start football for a couple of weeks. For the past week or so he has spent a lot of time on the xbox and internet.....driving his dad crazy. I think we just want them all to have the childhood that we did. We played outside. We were not in the house watching tv or playing on electronics when the sun was shining. We weren't up our parents butt's all the time either. It's just not really that way with our kids. But we are trying to change that a little at a time. 

::  I am learning how to really communicate what I am feeling and thinking without hesitation. It's been kinda fun just saying how I feel and not making any excuses about it. When I say no, I mean it...and I feel good inside knowing I am speaking my truth. It might piss them off but not me! 

:: Summer TV has been totally sucking. I wish all the new seasons of all my favorite shows would come back on...soon very soon. 

:: Have I mentioned how much I hate doing my nails? It's always a hassle. But I hate spending all that time...money too at nail salons. I just have to get better at it I guess. 

::  Yesterday I had to remind the kids of the chores again...which is 2 chores per day for Brittany and Zane and Jackson only has one chore a week because he's at his dads most of the time. Well with that friendly reminder to take out the overflowing trash and emptying the dishwasher they also got a warning. If I have to remind them to do those simple tasks, they will have to remind me to turn on their data or turn on the internet here in the house. And I won't be in any kind of hurry. And again, I said it with a smile on my face. :)

:: More terror attacks in Turkey tonight. 50 dead and 147 wounded.  I don't understand this world. And it scares me to know that one day I won't be here to protect my kids and family. 

:: I got an email from what I suspect was a troll listing out all the things that they didn't like about me. Bhahahahaha Yea ok. What do they think I will do. Change everything they mentioned? No way in hell am I doing that. Instead they got a very sweet email back thanking them for taking the time to write me. Again....the art of  " bitchcraft " happening in full force here lately. Most of the time I am a loose cannon with my mouth. No one knows what to do when I don't react like I normally would. Don't get me wrong....I still have all those thoughts in my head but they are not coming out of my mouth. 

:: I miss Jackson. I know he is happy at his dads. He is getting more mature and growing up so fast. Tomorrow today is soccer practice! :) 

:: I am already talking to Scott about how this next school year ( starting July 27 ) is going to be. Lots of driving. Lots of sports activities. I am a little nervous about driving in winter but Scott said he would handle the driving on those days. It scares me to think about driving the roads when they are snowy and icy. No thank you. I will totally be a winter hermit as much as possible! 

:: I am still loving my bullet journal. I did have to switch out of the grey one because a accident happened and coffee got spilt and it soaked through the pages. Thanks kitty cats....I still love you though! And maybe it was for the best anyway. 

:: I have been drinking a little apple cider vinegar everyday. It's harsh some mornings but I find drinking it in warm water...not hot but warm with a little lemon is a bit easier. I drink it fast to get it in me so I can move on to coffee. I'll probably make a video soon explaining it all soon. From what I understand there are lots of health benefits. It can't hurt so I added it into my morning routine. 

:: My hair is at that weird state. It's not so easy growing out an angled bob. It's all different lengths and it's starting to wing out in the back some but I'm dealing with it. Today I just let it do it's own thing....which looked crazy. Thankfully my hair tends to grow fast. 

:: We are having a cookout over the weekend and I never got the invitations made so I guess it's going to be by phone! I am so happy we can be home with our kids and family. If just all the kids were here, I would be so happy. However, Jackson and my ex husband have plans. Grrrrrrrrrrr.  Maybe I will just switch it to Saturday instead of Sunday and he can come....great idea! 

::  I am walking Cooper....starving him basically ( from what his expressions show ) and I don't making a bit of difference. He's going to be 9 in December and I just hate to do this to him in the last years of his life. But I know it's for the best....but it makes me feel awful. 

Thank you guys for stopping by! I might be late with this post but at least I got it done and published! :) I'll see ya soon with a new video! xx
Tuesday, June 28, 2016

♡ Recent Empties! ♡ Beauty, Household & Pets → June 2016 | Video |

Hello friends! I hope you are having a wonderful Tuesday. I am back today with a new video sharing our empties since our move. These are the things we have used up....with my thoughts on each! Hope you enjoy. 

I did my best to share a new items of variety. My husband use to think I was crazy for saving the " trash" but now he's totally on board and now we even have a special spot and bin for all our empties. :) I would love to hear about something you have used up and either enjoyed or not so enjoyed from this past month. I hope you have a beautiful and blessed Tuesday. New edition of Tuesday Truths coming up later today....so be sure to come back! xx

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