Friday, July 15, 2016

Life Update....Getting Divorced.

Hello friends. I know many of you have been wanting an update so here I am. Scott and I have been together for a long time. We made tons of great memories. We had tons of laughs.  We tried to make each other happy. But somehow along the way, we both started pulling away from each other instead of coming together and working on what was wrong. And believe me.....we both had our faults. Faults that ended up scaring the other person more than once. I think we both wanted a divorce but honestly, I was too scared to admit it. I was scared to loose my family....I wanted to fight to make things better. But God has other plans I suspect. 

And then one final fight ends it all. Things said can't be taken back. Action can't be taken back. And now we both are at a very difficult spot where I feel vulnerable, scared, angry. All normal feelings under such circumstances. And now honestly, I am left here alone to pick up the pieces of what is left. Not surprising but more than I can really handle alone. I feel set up and used....lied to and abandoned. But I already know that in time these feelings will pass. I know that in no time my broken heart and broken spirit will be healed. 

I am not sure what I am going to do with this blog. I might leave it the way it is and just go with things. I might delete photos and videos of Scott. I have no idea. I am in the middle of giving my animals away and trying to figure out what I truly want out of this house. Really I just want to grab a bag and walk out without ever looking back. But family and friends think that is crazy so maybe a few things from this house will end up in the next place I live. I really could care less at this point. But thankfully I have people around me who do care. Who are looking out for my best interest including my kids. Jackson and I were talking the other night and he made me promise to never get back with Scott for what he has done to us and our family. My daughter has been an angel through everything. I understand how the kids feel. I truly do. We are loosing everything and someone we loved used an argument as an excuse to leave. In reality I think he has had it planned out for a while which is fine. It just shocked me. 

There was a point when I was crying and begging...threatening...doing anything I could to get him to walk back through the door. I have poor communication skills to say the least. I have never been good at expressing how I feel. I am still kinda in shock but I am doing ok. I am still here. I am still trying to go on regardless a man walking out. I am trying to surround myself with people who truly love me and want the best for me. Clearly that person wasn't Scott. Clearly Scott was not the love of my life. And it's past time I get him out of my head. He has been a security blanket for me for years. Not a companion that I could trust. I was told I was verbally abusive to him. I probably was. He was no easy person to live with. He has demons of his own which made our life hard and complicated. I guess it was just too much. 

And now at this point, we are being kicked out of this house. Perfect huh? Is it scary, YES. Is it sad. YES. It is ever going to be the same again. NO.  I am beyond sad at this point. I never really wanted a divorce. I wanted to fight for my marriage and family but I can't do this alone. And if I am the only one really wanting things to get better, it still won't work. I don't think there is any hope at this point for Scott and myself. I think our only hope is to move on in our different directions and try to find the happiness we both are looking for....and never found in each other. I am not sure why it hurts so badly. I did love him. I still do but after everything he has done to me, our family, our animals.  None of them deserved this. There was no respect for the other lives in our family. And now I am left to figure it out all alone. Thanks Scott. We are his 4th disposable family. Scott tends to throw family's away when he gets tired of them. I just thought we would make it. I don't run when it gets hard. I don't call the police. I don't file papers in the court. I am just not that kind of person and I never thought I married that kind of person either. 

And if all of that is not enough....I have his family, writing cryptic blog posts shaming myself and Scott's older daughter. ( and by the way, that was his first disposable family. ) If I really told you half the stuff he has done, you guys would be shocked. Yet we are the ones to blame. I honestly can't figure out for the life of me why anyone would put their nose in someone else's divorce. And they are not even happy with their own miserable self and marriage. It's great. But people with big mouths and big attitudes don't know how to stay out of other people's business. It's people like her who have enabled Scott to do wrong for years and more importantly wrong right now. She doesn't know how to keep a marriage together I am sure she is out singing his greatest praise being the little sister enabler. 

So with all of that said, I am going to try...I mean really try to move on with my life. Close this chapter with a man who clearly never loved me or this family. I hope to find love again one day. I hope to find happiness again one day and I hope to learn to be a better mom. The kids are the ones that are truly keeping me going. Without them I would be so lost. Actually, I am still lost. I am lonely. I am hurt. I can't believe someone who I loved and forgiven for so many years would stoop so low and leave me in the position I am in. I guess when people show you who they are....believe them. 
Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Revisiting our Favorite ☼ Summer ☼ Recipes! | Video & Recipe Links! |

Hello friends! I hope you are getting along well today. I can't believe how fast summer showed up for us. It seems like yesterday when I was complaining about the cold weather and now here we are in the middle of the summer! I thought today I would take you back through some of my older recipes that I have already shared on my youtube channel and this blog. There are new people subscribing everyday who don't know about these recipes...who don't want to hunt through playlists for something new to make their family. So with that in mind, here are some of my tried and true family summer recipes! ( Direct links to each is below! ) Hope you enjoy. 

These recipes are pretty easy and I love using the grill and keeping the heat out of the house. Here are all the recipes shown/mentioned in the video above! 

Thank you for stopping by today. I plan on doing more of these where we revisit some of my past videos. I think it will be nice for new subscribers and a good refresher for friends that are already subscribed! :) Let me know if you have any questions about any of the recipes. Have a beautiful and blessed Wednesday. xx

Late Night Tuesday Truths

Hello everyone. It's late here...actually it's technically Wednesday. But since it's not Wednesday on the west coast....we are going with it! :) Here's another edition of Tuesday Truths. Hope you enjoy! 

:: My cats are fighting right now. They are running through the house....hissing, meowing and screeching like it's the middle of the afternoon. I guess their power naps paid off! 

:: I have done my best to not complain since moving here but yesterday we got a $225 sewer bill. Our water bill is separate and was $100 for the same time period. What the hell is a sewer bill I ask you!? In SC we only had a water bill that covered it all and it never costs us anything like this. And then I try to call them only to realize these nice sewer people get off work at 430. Fancy that. I am forsure calling tomorrow and finding out what this is all I want to know why in the world it's that high. I understand the water bill but not that sewer bill. I just imagine in my head that we are flushing the toilets too much! hahahahaha! Idk but I am going to figure this sewer mess out. 

:: Scott is clearly having problems sleeping tonight. He choose the couch because he is tossing and turning so much. He's awake right now flopping around. I feel sorry for him. Sleep is hard for me but not usually due to pain. :(

:: I had a nice walk early in the day only to buy Long John Silvers. Makes sense right? I thought so. 

:: Zane doesn't start football for a couple of weeks. For the past week or so he has spent a lot of time on the xbox and internet.....driving his dad crazy. I think we just want them all to have the childhood that we did. We played outside. We were not in the house watching tv or playing on electronics when the sun was shining. We weren't up our parents butt's all the time either. It's just not really that way with our kids. But we are trying to change that a little at a time. 

::  I am learning how to really communicate what I am feeling and thinking without hesitation. It's been kinda fun just saying how I feel and not making any excuses about it. When I say no, I mean it...and I feel good inside knowing I am speaking my truth. It might piss them off but not me! 

:: Summer TV has been totally sucking. I wish all the new seasons of all my favorite shows would come back on...soon very soon. 

:: Have I mentioned how much I hate doing my nails? It's always a hassle. But I hate spending all that too at nail salons. I just have to get better at it I guess. 

::  Yesterday I had to remind the kids of the chores again...which is 2 chores per day for Brittany and Zane and Jackson only has one chore a week because he's at his dads most of the time. Well with that friendly reminder to take out the overflowing trash and emptying the dishwasher they also got a warning. If I have to remind them to do those simple tasks, they will have to remind me to turn on their data or turn on the internet here in the house. And I won't be in any kind of hurry. And again, I said it with a smile on my face. :)

:: More terror attacks in Turkey tonight. 50 dead and 147 wounded.  I don't understand this world. And it scares me to know that one day I won't be here to protect my kids and family. 

:: I got an email from what I suspect was a troll listing out all the things that they didn't like about me. Bhahahahaha Yea ok. What do they think I will do. Change everything they mentioned? No way in hell am I doing that. Instead they got a very sweet email back thanking them for taking the time to write me. Again....the art of  " bitchcraft " happening in full force here lately. Most of the time I am a loose cannon with my mouth. No one knows what to do when I don't react like I normally would. Don't get me wrong....I still have all those thoughts in my head but they are not coming out of my mouth. 

:: I miss Jackson. I know he is happy at his dads. He is getting more mature and growing up so fast. Tomorrow today is soccer practice! :) 

:: I am already talking to Scott about how this next school year ( starting July 27 ) is going to be. Lots of driving. Lots of sports activities. I am a little nervous about driving in winter but Scott said he would handle the driving on those days. It scares me to think about driving the roads when they are snowy and icy. No thank you. I will totally be a winter hermit as much as possible! 

:: I am still loving my bullet journal. I did have to switch out of the grey one because a accident happened and coffee got spilt and it soaked through the pages. Thanks kitty cats....I still love you though! And maybe it was for the best anyway. 

:: I have been drinking a little apple cider vinegar everyday. It's harsh some mornings but I find drinking it in warm water...not hot but warm with a little lemon is a bit easier. I drink it fast to get it in me so I can move on to coffee. I'll probably make a video soon explaining it all soon. From what I understand there are lots of health benefits. It can't hurt so I added it into my morning routine. 

:: My hair is at that weird state. It's not so easy growing out an angled bob. It's all different lengths and it's starting to wing out in the back some but I'm dealing with it. Today I just let it do it's own thing....which looked crazy. Thankfully my hair tends to grow fast. 

:: We are having a cookout over the weekend and I never got the invitations made so I guess it's going to be by phone! I am so happy we can be home with our kids and family. If just all the kids were here, I would be so happy. However, Jackson and my ex husband have plans. Grrrrrrrrrrr.  Maybe I will just switch it to Saturday instead of Sunday and he can come....great idea! 

::  I am walking Cooper....starving him basically ( from what his expressions show ) and I don't making a bit of difference. He's going to be 9 in December and I just hate to do this to him in the last years of his life. But I know it's for the best....but it makes me feel awful. 

Thank you guys for stopping by! I might be late with this post but at least I got it done and published! :) I'll see ya soon with a new video! xx
Tuesday, June 28, 2016

♡ Recent Empties! ♡ Beauty, Household & Pets → June 2016 | Video |

Hello friends! I hope you are having a wonderful Tuesday. I am back today with a new video sharing our empties since our move. These are the things we have used up....with my thoughts on each! Hope you enjoy. 

I did my best to share a new items of variety. My husband use to think I was crazy for saving the " trash" but now he's totally on board and now we even have a special spot and bin for all our empties. :) I would love to hear about something you have used up and either enjoyed or not so enjoyed from this past month. I hope you have a beautiful and blessed Tuesday. New edition of Tuesday Truths coming up later be sure to come back! xx
Monday, June 27, 2016

Week in Review w/ DITL Vlog & Weekly To Do's June 20-27, 2016

Hello friends! I hope you are having a wonderful Monday. I am back today sharing a new week in review. This is where I share bits and pieces of the past week. Hope you enjoy! More is below...

We had a really nice week. We had pretty good weather and all the kids were more active outside. Coming up here in the warmer months I think was wise. The evenings are beautiful. I am still feeling so blessed to be here with our kids and family. I can't believe how fast summer is happening. The kids last day of school was May 27 and they start back up July 27. They are considered to go all year around....something new since I went to school here. Back to school " everything " is going to happen much earlier for us this year. A new schedule for a new but old city! 

Here's a few things I want to get done this week:

:: Water plants...the days are getting hotter and hotter
:: Check PO Box
:: Wash outdoor cushions
:: Clean ashes out of grill
:: Get to sleep at a better time....still staying up too late. 
:: Laundry....the washer always seems to be running in this house. 
:: Paint Nails...again
:: Clean up DVR
:: Order Brittany's Cheer Items....bows and bodysuits 
:: Scoop cat boxes....Yuck!
:: Start new house project....not sure which one it will be....but starting on something. 
:: Wash windows
:: Walk Cooper daily. 
:: Make a sweet treat for the kids
:: Get Scott to mow the yard.

Here's some inspiration to take with you. 
Thank you for stopping by today. I am taking things a bit slower but as soon as this goes live, it's time to get a lot done around the house. I also hope to record a video today or this evening for tomorrow so I guess I better get on it! Have a beautiful and blessed week! xx
Sunday, June 26, 2016

Friday Night Shopping Haul | Video |

Hello friends, I hope you are having a wonderful Sunday afternoon. I am back sharing a Friday night food haul. It was a long day but the kids really wanted to go, so we went shopping a little later than normal. I share some dinner ideas and the items we got...hope you enjoy! 

I really enjoy watching hauls as much as I enjoy sharing them. I guess it's a bit like buggy watching! Anyway,  I hope to finally be back on schedule with my Friday and or Saturday hauls. I hate going grocery shopping in the middle of the week. I was going to share a what's cookin' vlog but there is just not that much footage...and not that many meals. Sooooo...stay tuned for a new cooking vlog to pop up next Sunday! xx
Friday, June 24, 2016

Friday Letters

Hello friends! I hope you are having a wonderful Friday. I am back with another edition of Friday Letters. It's been a while since I have shared one of these blog I hope you enjoy!

- Dear God, Thank you for watching over and protecting our kids. That's really all I want. Thank you for listening to my prayers. 

- Dear Self, You really need to get your act together and start getting to bed earlier. The school year will be here before I know it....and there is no hiding under the covers from that point on! 

- Dear Summer, I feel as you are passing us by. I think it's just taken a while to get settled in and I don't this is the year for a big family vacation....but I do want to do a few fun things with the kids.  

- Dear Scott, I love you dear husband but that snoring is driving me crazy! I think we are both sleeping a lot less now that we are back in the same bed. But I do like having you beside me....regardless of how loud you are! 

- Dear Jackson, You did great at soccer the other night. I am so proud of you for finally trying a sport. You will always be my baby. I love you Jackson. 

- Dear Emily, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard it is for you and your kids right now. Just hold them close and know that one day you will see your sweet heart again. And he's with you right calm and you will feel it. 

- Dear Bare Minerals, You are hands down my favorite makeup. Seriously. I don't know why I even try other things. You always make my skin feel and look better. Thank you. :)

- Dear Mom, glad everything is going well with the dog training. I think it's the perfect little job for you! 

- Dear Donald Trump, Running a golf course IS NOT like running a country. You are so full of shit. The end. 

- Dear Brittany, You are growing up so fast. I am so proud of you. You are still the best thing I have ever done. Keep working hard to accomplish your goals and to follow your dreams. 

- Dear Neighbors, thank you for those American flags flying high around our house. I love looking out my bedroom window and seeing the flag. It just makes me happy so thank you! 

- Dear Cooper, I was going through your papers and realized you really will be 9 years old this December. You are such a huge part of our family and we love you bunches! 

- Dear Trina, Sorry your new camera isn't everything you would be. Hopefully you will find one that meets all your needs soon! 

- Dear Body, you have been feeling so much better but this past week, I have been more achey, sore and uncomfortable. Please start feeling better soon.

- Dear Zane, there is a big world beyond the xbox! Put down the controller and come join us! We love you! 

- Dear Indiana, Thank you for all the good memories we have made here so far. I am so happy to be up here with all of our kids and family. I can't believe I was so scared and nervous about being here. It's so much better than what I thought it would be. 

- Dear fitbit, I am so addicted to you. I think it's amazing how you can keep track of so much. I don't know how I ever lived without you! 

- Dear Shanna, I'm sorry that life has just gotten busy! I miss you and will make sure we have time to talk more! And yes....the new rug is really pretty! 

- Dear Cesar Millan, I am still obsessed with your shows. I love that our handy DVR is finding and recording all the old shows I have never seen before. 

- Dear Laura, I know you might not be happy about it but I am happy you guys are finally coming back. We have missed you! Drive safe. 

- Dear Bullet Journal, you are really working well for me right now. :) Thank you for making my life easier. 

- Dear Coffee, you were so good this morning that I am still drinking you right now! :)

- Dear Dad, I wish things were better between us. Sorry...your crazy bitch wife is too much for me. Wait till I tell you everything she has done. I know you don't know how to be a father and I forgive you for it but it would be nice if you could try harder. Do you ever think about them? You know who I am talking don't just bury your dead and move on. You are suppose to honor their lives everyday. 

- Dear Tickets, it's time to pay you but let me just be clear.....YOU SUCK! But I have to pay you or I won't be able to get my Indiana license. No more excuses. 

- Dear NASA, I want you to speak up and out a little more about these photos. I need to hear from you if these are true pictures before I really made a personal judgement. It looks kinda real to me but I still want to know those are exact photos from the Curiosity rover undoctored. 

- Dear House, I am still loving you. I am doing my best to get back to a normal cleaning routine and back to including zones in my routines as well. It's not the easiest thing to move into a new house and having to create new zones, cleaning times, new's a big job and I never feel completely done! Thank you for keeping us warm and safe. 

- Dear Kitty Cats, you guys are a little pack around here stalking flies and chasing each other around here. 

- Dear Hair, not sure what I am doing with you. Do I grow you out?? Keep you short?? Not sure. I am thinking I will maybe let it grow out to my shoulders. But I don't want long hair to deal with everyday. Shoulder length should be long enough. 

- Dear Blog/Youtube Friends, thank you guys for always being so kind and supportive. I have stayed in this community because of you. I love you guys. Have a great weekend! xx

Custom Post Signature

Custom Post  Signature